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How to tell if you are addicted to Arundinaria amabilis A. How often do you check "The List" for messages? B. How often are you in your shop? C. Where would you meet your friends? D. When someone says grass, do you think of E. When "The List" goes down you How to score this test. Take the number in front of each of your answers and total them. If your total is: Less than 10 points: you are a hobbyist and not in any danger. 10-15 points: You are in a very high risk group. Wait 3 months and take this test again. Remove all splinters as soon as 15-18 points: There will be 12 steps starting in your community in the near future. It is strongly suggested you join. Over 18 points: Sign yourself into the nearest hospital. You need far more than the 12 step program can provide. Inpatient professional help is the recommended course of treatment. Also, before signing yourself in. remove all splinters, it will help detox go faster. ========================== The 12 Steps to Recovery 1. I have admitted that I am powerless over Arundinaria amabilis and my life has become unmanageable due to my addiction to Arundinaria amabilis. 2. I came to believe that I need the help to restore me to sanity and away from the temptress Arundinaria amabilis. 3. I have made a decision to try to rebuild my live in a positive and caring way without the influence of Arundinaria amabilis. 4. I have humbly accepted the seductive hold of Arundinaria amabilis, the swish of the plane, the smell of varnish, and the feel of wrapping silk has over me and accept the need for treatment for desensitization. 5. I will make a searching and fearless personal inventory of the cost of my addiction to Arundinaria amabilis has been. 6. I will admit to myself, and to another human being, the exact nature of the power that Arundinaria amabilis has over my life. 7. I am entirely ready to avoid contact Arundinaria amabilis addicts, except those in recovery or asking for help to get into recovery, and remove all Arundinaria amabilis related materials from my domicile (Yes, this includes those forms you slaved to make, that new mill, and no you cannot call the LN plane a Christmas tree ornament). 8. I will make a list of all persons I have harmed because of my addiction to Arundinaria amabilis and become willing to make amends to them, with special attention paid to those that I introduced to Arundinaria amabilis. 9. Having made it this far, I will continue to seek the guidance and support of those who have traveled this path before me. Also, very importantly, I will try to recognize my progress thus far in my recovery to returning to the world of mankind to strengthen me for the next step. 10. I will dismantle my shop and offer to make it into a (shriek) sewing room. Further I will unsubscribe from "The List", block all email from "Listmembers", and expunge all fly fishing related files from my computer. (It is strongly recommended that all computer usage, except employment related, is avoided for at least 60 days) 11. I will continue to try maintain an awareness of my addiction. When I hear the serene song of Arundinaria amabilis, I will promptly admit it to another recovering Arundinaria amabilis addict, and be willing to accept the help and guidance offered. (Make sure he has not relapsed before taking such an action.) 12. I will seek, through all available means, to improve my conscious contact with fellow humans, outside of the shop and gatherings. Having had an intellectual and spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, I will try to carry this message to "The List". (Submitted by Rich Jezioro)
Twas the day before Christmas, and all was just great. Having just glued the seat, on a 7'9" 5 weight. I sat there all smug, admiring my work. Then suddenly knew with a shudder and jerk. What to my horrified eyes should appear. A nickel silver slide band, over there and not here. The butt cap in place, ten minutes had passed. I moved rather quickly, the reelseat held fast. I pulled and I pried, with much more than a nudge. But the five minute epoxy, just wouldn't budge. By now I was panicked, my pulse was a racing. A useless maple reel seat, was what I was facing. I ran down the hall, tore open the door. Ran into the shop, and slipped on the floor. With the rod in my left hand, and tool in my right. I leveraged and pried, with all of my might. Then finally it moved, if only a bit. I laughed just a little, at my lack of whit. The cap came off and I knew without doubt. That this rod would be lucky, when pursuing the trout. And so I shall say, with the reelseat all right. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night. (Submitted by Chris McDowell) P.S. True story, it just happened an hour ago.
1. You don't have to hide your Fishing magazines. 2. It's perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to Fish with you once in a while. 3. The Ten Commandments don't say anything about Fishing. 4. If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you Fishing in your Whaler, you don't have to worry about them showing up on the Internet if you become famous. 5. Your Fishing partner doesn't get upset about people you fished with long ago. 6. It's perfectly respectable to Fish with a total stranger. 7. When you see a really good Fisher person, you don't have feel guilty about imagining the two of you Fishing in a Whaler together. 8. If your regular Fishing partner isn't available, he/she won't object if you Fish with someone else. 9. Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you Fish by yourself. 10. When dealing with a Fishing pro, you never have to wonder if they are really an undercover cop. 11. You can have a Fishing calendar on your wall at the office, tell Fishing jokes, and invite coworkers to Fish with you without getting sued for harassment. 12. There are no Fishing-transmitted diseases. 13. If you want to watch Fishing on television, you don't have to subscribe to the Playboy channel. 14. Nobody expects you to Fish with the same partner for the rest of your life. 15. Nobody expects you to give up Fishing if your partner loses interest in it. 16. Your Fishing partner will never say, "Not again? We just Fished last week! Is Fishing all you ever think about?" (Timothy Troester) And... 17. if you say "Honey, I am going fishing but I will be quick", it's okay! 18. It's okay to practice for the big outing on your front lawn. (Bob Maulucci) 19. It's okay to sneak out of the stream without saying goodbye after reaching fulfillment of catching the trout of your dreams. (Marty DeSapio)
1" diameter PVC pipe and caps....$4 Look on wife's face when you say, "I gotta go check a rod soaking in the impregnation fluid!".... Priceless. Gotta love it. (Bob Maulucci)
SUBJECT: TOOLS AND THEIR REAL USES DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly stained heirloom piece you were drying. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned guitar calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Yeouw s--t...." ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age. SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters. The most often the tool used by all women. BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touchup jobs into major refinishing jobs. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for, over the last 45 minutes. TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper. EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 4X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle. TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters and wire wheel wires. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use. RADIAL ARM SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to scare neophytes into choosing another line of work. TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle. AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. The accessory socket within the base, has been permanently rendered useless, unless requiring a source of 117vac power to shock the mechanic senseless. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids, opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. Women excel at using this tool. STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non removable screws. AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal- burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts which were last over tightened 30 years ago by someone at Ford, and instantly rounds off their heads. Also used to quickly snap off lug nuts. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. Women primarily use it to make gaping holes in walls when hanging pictures. MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. It is also useful for removing large chunks of human flesh from the user's hands. DAMNIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMNIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need. (Rich Jezioro)
Nah, you're not sick. You know its really bad when you sneak up on women wearing fur coats with a pair of scissors in hand to get tying material. Now that's a sign of problems. Don't ask how I know. (Joe Behar) I sure hope there are no psychiatrist/authors among us. then again maybe we may get some publicity. (Timothy Troester) Oh Dr. Rich... an opportunity!! (Larry Blan) Rut Roh! (Todd Talsma) HE made me do it, really!!! (Rich Jezioro) These are all going into my casebook for future publication. ;-) (Rich Jezioro) I don't think that you will be credited with making any startling "discovery." Most folks think fly fisherman are a little borderline anyway, add to that you fly fish and tie your own flies all of sudden you jumped into the category of nutball. Now add in the fact that you've made the rod that casts the fly you tied to try and catch a fish and even though it looks like wood it's really a strange grass that's imported from China = lunatic fringe. (Will Price) I've always considered fly fishing as an exercise of trying to prove something with a brain smaller than a pea is smarter than me. (Rich Jezioro) The trick of course and it applies to all things pleasurable is to not think about it too much. (Tony Young)
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